Congrats! Now Let Me Sucker Punch You!Friday, June 3, 2016
Do you all know what a sucker punch is? Not a physical one. Just a spiritual one. Or emotional one.
Picture holding a newborn baby in your arms and your heart is melting from the love and the fresh baby smell. Your entire body is overcome with warm love that is really hard to describe. Everything, in that moment, is just perfect.
But then, a white explosion of half digested milk erupts out of that beautiful bundle and hits you square in the face. You close your eyes in shock and you just sit there, lips clamped tight in a vain attempt to keep the vomit from getting in. Or getting out.
That’s a sucker punch.
This week, I launched a dang book.
I LAUNCHED A DANG BOOK!
And I expected to be on some sort of adrenaline high and just…
I don’t know.
But I didn’t expect this week to hurt so bad.
I didn’t expect to fall asleep sobbing.
I didn’t expect to be rejected.
And none of that had a thing to do with my book.
Why are humans so hard to love? Or…why is it so hard to be LOVED by other humans? What is happening to our idea of community? Are we only in community with one another when we have the same ideas or the same goals or the same basic beliefs? Is that community?
Are we only a community when we are working together for the same goals and outcome? Can we still not be friends and family if our roads split and we walk towards different dreams? Does community end then? Are we on our own? Are we forced to set out and find a new community, burning the last one to ash behind us?
That’s not how I thought it was supposed to go.
And this week has been painful. Lonely. Heartbreaking. Disappointing. Wounding…
It’s a sucker punch.
There was a moment of absolute joy…then an eruption of barf.
I guess I just wipe the drippy mascara off my face.
And build a community again.
Write another book.
Launch something else.
Because you keep moving forward. You don’t stand still…and you don’t go backward.