Tea Cups Full Of PromiseMonday, October 17, 2011
Years ago, I didn't think I would be a mother. It seems silly to me (now that I am one) to recall that fear and hopelessness. There once was a time when I was sitting quietly in a church where I knew no one. I was all alone, and I felt so lost and wounded. It hadn't been long since my last miscarriage and tears were always burning behind my eyelids. A woman sitting in front of me turned with a confused frown on her face. "I'm sorry," she said. "I know I don't know you...and I don't understand this because you look like a very young girl, but I feel that I need to tell you that God wants you to know...you are going to be a mother one day."
I cried. I couldn't even explain to the woman how much her words meant to me. She just patted my hand and turned around...
But years passed by and I was not a mother. I started to doubt in the truth of the promise. Then I met Courtney who was a blessing from the Lord. Her heart matched mine, and her wounds were as deep and fresh. She wanted to be a mother, too. And just like that woman in the strange church, God told me she would be a mother. We had our promises. We encouraged one another, we exchanged tea pots as a symbol of the promise that one day we would sit down together for tea with our children running around us.
But still years passed by...
Yet, here I am, sitting down to tea in one corner of my world while I know Courtney is in another corner with the most handsome little boy in all the world (tied with my little handsome boy, of course). Motherhood has come to kiss us both with wonderful children that live up to the meaning of their names...bringers of light...laughter...promises kept by our Father. There are times when I feel like the worst mother in creation and I want to pull out my hair. There are times when I feel inadequate and worry about if I am doing the best that I can (which, at times, I am not). But in moments like that, it is good to have this tea pot here with me. I can sit down, pour tea from it and remind myself that God already planned this--He will help guide me.
Today, I find myself in new, scary days. I have new promises that I am waiting to see come to life. I have new worries and struggles that I need to leave at the cross. I'm waiting...and waiting...and waiting for something, anything, to happen. I'm almost to that point where I feel that these things will never come to pass--that I misunderstood and never really heard from God but created those promises with my own breath...
So, I sit here with my tea....poured from my friendship pot...and remember that there once was a day when I nearly gave up, but in HIS perfect timing, He poured an abundance upon me and gifted me with two children that are more wonderful than the ones I created in my dreams. He always hears me. He always love me. He never gives up. He never comes to that moment when all hope is fading. He holds my tea pot in His capable hands, just waiting for HIS time to pour me my cup in which will brim with more perfection than I ever dreamed of. With that promise, I can keep waiting.
I wish I could time travel. I would find that young Gia with a broken heart and empty wound and dance with her...laugh with her...celebrate in the TRUTH of that promise. But I can't. Instead, I will choose to rejoice...dance...laugh...celebrate int he TRUTH of the promise that I clutch with desperate hands TODAY. One day soon, He will breathe life into it and bring it to life in my hands. That's my God for you. He waits until the very moment when the gift will dazzle the most. He is always showing off--just like He did the day He created my babies.