I feel as if I am meant for something larger than this world; as if I'm trapped in this body, waiting to explode into something great and mighty. Ever have that feeling? It leaves you restless. Nothing you put your hand to quite satisfies that desire. Maybe it is because we are meant to be heavenly creatures--powerful--capable--everlasting...?
I want a great deal of things in this world. I want to publish. I want to travel the world, blessing others, loving on the lonely, giving to strangers, soaking dry places with compassion so great and needed that it takes their breath away. I want to hold hands with a tiny little girl somewhere hidden in the corners of the world. I want to take her picture and show her, her true beauty. I want to wipe her tears away; whisper to her of how she is bigger than all of this.
I want to spin tales that reach into a reader's heart and change their idea of truth and love. I want them to feel my words--breathe them in. Benign stories are not enough any more. Greatness...words that point to truth and the Father is what this world is starving for. Words of fiction that can become real; words of mercy and unfailing capability to be something more...
I want to be that blow-your-mind mother that I know is hidden in me somewhere. She's the woman that doesn't care what her past bio tries to dictate she should be. She is the woman that knows how to love correctly, and does not let shame and guilt keep her hidden. She is the wife that knows how to bring out the best of her husband...
I'm bigger than this girl sitting here frantically typing out every single thought that comes to her mind, holding her captive, overwhelming her until her hands tremble...her heart soars.
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, that which the Lord has prepared for those that love Him..."
And I know it is coming--that moment when I stand up...and I am much bigger than what this world wanted me to be.