"Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies."
What a strange thing it is to grow up with someone only to grow old with them. Everything changes; physically...emotionally. Only the lucky will reach for their Love's hand in the twilight years, and find them reaching back. I know that Roger's hand will be there in the decades before us. He is faithful. He loves me. He will never give up on me. He carries me...
What a gift I have.
When Roger found me, I was a shy, introverted, stubborn, broken, frightened girl with a daddy complex. He was a bit arrogant, class clown-type that had the biggest heart a boy could posses. He captivated me. He had this charm that was able to reach through the thickest walls a person can erect around their heart. I don't know how he did it. He's sneaky like that. Determined, maybe...
Slowly, with my hand tucked in Roger's, I walked away from that shy, frightened girl that I was. I warmed up to him and everyone else. I began to see that I was truly beautiful...someone interesting. I fell fully into my talents; more sure of who I was and who I was meant to be. Isn't that what love is supposed to do? Roger allowed me to see a glimpse of myself. He pushed down those walls, and God's perfect love moved in...sweeping away the lies. That's how I know he was the man God created just for me; for he and God seemed to be partners in rescuing me.
But I said 'lion tamer' didn't I? That's because I'm so sure of myself that today, I am a wild woman with passions that nearly consume myself and those around me. I have a temper that could rival Kilauea (that's a volcano). I once chewed out a USMC drill instructor for shoving me in the PX (but he was totally in the wrong!). I am impatient. I get angry with God (that's really bad, isn't it?). I'm the strongest-willed woman that I know and wonder where my daughter gets it...
Truth is, I'm more than a handful. Sometimes, in the midst of my craziness, I think of Roger and stand amazed that he has the strength and will to endure me. But he does endure me. And more than that, he tames me. He brings me back to where I need to be, even if he doesn't realize that he does. He reminds me of who I am when I don't like being me. He reminds me of the truth of my beauty when I don't remember it. He tells me of what I was created for...how great my talents are. When I don't want a cheerleader, he is mine. He makes me smile, laugh, cry, scream, and feel love that nearly crushes me. Roger reminds me what an amazing God I serve. I watch that man, see his passion to be the man God created him to be...and I am moved to tears (there are tears in my eyes now...how silly).
Roger reminds me of how much God loves me. After all, if my husband can put up with me and love me...then God's perfect love will surely never fail me. The relationship that I share with my husband imitates that which God desires from me. God wants me to believe in Him the way that I believe in Roger. My Heavenly Father wants me to know His hand will always be there...in those twilight years...now in the midst of my joys and my storms. My Heavenly Father knew of my beauty first. It was He that revealed it to Roger. He saw my virtue. He gave it to me. He loves me. Passionately. Consuming. Crushing. And in my fiery moments, I stand amazed, point my eyes to Heaven...and wonder why. Answers don't come, and that's okay.
He carries me.