This Stinks...But I Have A PromiseThursday, January 27, 2011
(Listen as you read...)
This is just one of those days. I wake up with the best intentions...and my heart ends up attempting mutiny. The kids tell me I'm grouchy. Kids don't lie. I'm grouchy. And what a shame.
I just finished polishing my beloved manuscript for the zillionith time. This time, it made me cry. Not just a tear here and there. No, these tears sluiced down my cheeks; dripping off my chin. I do believe that my jaw trembled, at times. It is a beautiful story. It lives and breathes...
What to do next but send it back to my literary agent? But after doing so, I look at my contract. It ended in December. What? That tiny little voice that was always in the back of my mind, telling me that this was too good to be true, was now screaming in my ears..."See! Told you nothing was really going to happen! Got your hopes up for nothing."
But God's voice is right there. "Didn't I call you to this?"
"Won't I see it to fruition?
I sure hope so.
"Didn't I promise?"
That's when I cringe.
My God's promises never go unbroken. Sometimes, I think they will...and then...right in the nick of time, He comes through for me. But, He doesn't just come through. He blows me out of the water with much more than I expected.
There was a time that my heart hurt too much from past miscarriages. I didn't believe I was going to be a mother. At this point, I didn't want to try anymore. The pain of losing something so precious hurt too much. Then, one day, I sat in church; pathetic and reeling from my pain. A woman I didn't know turned around and looked at me. "I know this sounds silly," she said. "But God wants you to know that you are going to be a mother."
"Thank you," was all I could manage to say. I was stunned. It was completely out of the blue. But God saw me from Heaven. No one in that church knew how my heart was hurting. They didn't know the thoughts circling my mind...but GOD DID! And it hurt His heart. "Oh, Andrea," He must have been thinking. "If you only knew what I have planned for you...you'd be dancing and singing my praises."
But, God didn't just think those things. He spoke to a strangers heart and gave her the words to speak to me. Goodness! God is amazing! He is so good! He didn't have to do that for me...but His perfect love would not allow me to sit there and keep hurting. I have two beautiful children today...testament to God's unfailing promises.
A few months ago, I was weeping. Life stunk. I don't mean just a little stinky. I mean, IT STUNK! Things had fallen apart. Everything was out of our hands. The mountains trembled, the water roared...and there I was, drowning in my fears.
"You're going to laugh about this day," God whispered to me.
I wiped tears off my cheeks. "If we ever escape this, maybe." (Why did I even counter Him with that??)
"No maybes." Then, it was as if He scooped me up in His arms, and pressed a fatherly kiss to the top of my head--cradling me. "This dream you have in your heart...I'm taking it, and I'm going to make it surpass everything you imagined. Be joyful in that."
And I just started laughing. I couldn't stop. Without second guessing Him, I took Him by His word...and joy overflowed in me. I'm not even sure I had a choice in the matter. Joy was just there, laughter was coming, and everything was suddenly okay.
Now, here I am. Again, it still seems like an impossible dream. I write and I write and I write...but nothing is happening. I'm scared. I wonder what is going on. I hear that despicable voice taunting me, telling me that it will never happen. I'm just a silly writer who wastes time with pages that will never find their home in a readers heart...a blogger that has nothing worthwhile to say.
And His gentle voice prods, "Haven't I already told you?"
Perfect Love, I hear You. :)
I'll put a smile on my face. I'll send this manuscript to the Genesis. And, if need be, I'll start the search for a new agent all over again. But this work that I am doing, It is God's. He will direct it. He will take it. He will send it where it needs to be. He loves me. He will not, cannot, go back on his promises.
"And this is the confidence that we have in Him, that, if we ask any thing according to His will, He hears us: And if we know that He hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of Him." ~1 John 5: 14-15
What promises has God given you? Hold onto them. Don't fear that they will go void. Because our God loves us. His faithfulness can never tarnish. In Him, you can put all of your trust. Even when things stink. I know, because I've heard His voice, and I've seen His promises come to life--literally--in the form of my children.