In 2011, I am going to be published. I say this boldly, defiantly, hopelessly...because, when you are a writer, you learn to wrap every shred of life remaining in your dreams around that tiny splinter of hope that remains. It isn't easy, is it? Never giving up? You've already lost count of rejection letters, why not just take the fatal plunge into that abyss where turning back is not an option? I did. I don't regret it.
Of course, that is all much easier said than done...
I have this undying need to prove myself to those around me. I don't know why. I'm loved. In fact, I am loved and supported very much. If I never publish, my family and friends won't torment me relentlessly with never ceasing mocking. They will still love me. Yet, knowing that certainly doesn't make the journey any less worrisome.
It is a different path if you want to be a doctor. Sure, being a doctor is hard work, but at least while you are working toward that goal you have plenty to show for it. "What are you up to these days?" someone might ask you. "Well," you can reply, proudly hooking your thumbs in your suspenders all cocky and sure (as if you wear suspenders)."I'm in my fourth year of med school. It's a killer."
Being a teacher would have been easier. But as a writer? "What are you up to these days?" I clamor for an answer that might make me appear as if I'm truly sane and not simply a dreamer..."Oh, I just landed a literary agent. Zondervan is interested. They only publish one unpublished writer a year--that I know of." I ignore that skeptical gleam in their eye. A writer? Really? Why not a doctor?
Should I tell them what's in my heart, the promises I know about and they do not? Would it matter? It does to me. You see, I have the promise of the Lord. I know that He will see me published. I can feel it each time I sit down to write. It is as if He is breathing on me--turning my words to living flesh to inspire and heal those that read. I'm not merely pounding away on the computer, picking my brain for the right plot points, but letting His work come to life through my fingertips. If you have God working with you, nothing is impossible. Right?
"There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein." ~Walter Wellesley "Red" Smith
This is my year. Something is going to to shift. In more ways than one. I pray this is the year that I feel in my palm, my token of good...my testimony that God uses, in mighty ways, what was once broken. This is our year. As partners.